Forgett the past, Press on
I’ve long held to the desire to walk as a bondservant. That word has significant meaning to me, it always has. I see the walk of a bondservant to be of the utmost importance to a close relationship with God. Giving up our will to completely embrace the will of God, even when it seems unpleasant. To let go of driving my life and let God can complete the work He started in us. So He can use us to show His love to the people who cannot otherwise hear His voice because they are lost in their own sins and situations.
The term bondservant is something that has different meaning to all who choose to walk that path. And it is something that is ever growing and changing as God brings you through things. I won’t lie the past few months have been a very tough trip for me. Depression has been a constant adversary. I’ve been mourning all that I’ve lost. The abilities I had to do things, such as walk without pain. I was mourning my taking them for granted.
But as I finally sat down to place God’s word above myself and seek Him in it, He showed me something in a scripture that has long been a favorite of mine. He opened my eyes to something new, and thus confirming that He hasn’t left me. That I’m not to far from him to hear His voice. That He is indeed teaching me even now. Being locked up alone in your home has some adverse effects on you for long periods.
Let me share it with you friends.
12 Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. 13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
15Therefore let us, as many as are mature, have this mind; and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal even this to you.Philippians 3:12-15 (NKJV)
Forgetting those things that are Behind. That is very potent if you dwell on that for a minute. Forgetting past failures, success, problems, situations. Forgetting the things that you lost. Forgetting what you cannot do any longer, forgetting all the things you should have done or could have. Forgetting past sins, repent first obviously, but move on after. All that matter is the prize. All that matters is God, and His love for you and for those you are surrounded by. Forgetting that you should have walked more when you could, forgetting how you should have related to others, forgetting how you missed things that you could have done, for yourself or for God. Press on for the Mark. Press on my friends. Push forward, embrace the love of God. Embrace the fact the he loves you and that he died for you because he loves you so much. Embrace that, and live for Him.
For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.
Colossians 3:3 (NKJV)
And once you have done this, press on. And to keep the focus follow this great advice.
8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.
Philippians 4:8 (NKJV)
Merry Christmas!
So it is Christmas. I’ve had a horrible migraine for 2 days straight that has finally let up a bit, though I’m still fighting it. Its 5am here and I won’t be sleeping. It days like this where keeping faith is at its hardest. My usually method of operation for this is to keep myself busy and not thinking. Hard to do when you’ve got a migraine and all the beautiful wonders that come with it. Halos, light sensitivity, and nausea (along with the inevitable that comes with it). Talking with any people always leads to “So what are you doing for Christmas?” or “What are you getting/giving for Christmas?”. It can be heart wrenching, and it is.
Its so hard to explain to people what I’m going through. I guess some ways I’m lucky because my father has the same disease as me (so they believe at this point not confirmed). We have the same symptoms. I can call him up when I’m frustrated and we can joke about things like how long it takes us to try and walk across the hall, or the little things that come with this that make day to day life so hard. But its not Christmas, I’m not sure it every will be again after this year it just doesn’t feel like much reason to celebrate. And I’m trying to celebrate. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to go through this in most ways. It has been a learning experience like no other. I’ve grown very close in my relationship with God. But it feels like no one cares.
Family (aside from my parents who know all to well what I’m dealing with) don’t understand the complexity or the large amount of problems I have. For a while now everything I eat makes me sick. Think about that. Many times even just water can make me sick. Friends stop speaking with me because they don’t know what to say, and I think to some degree they’ll think I’ll ask for help. I won’t because I know they wouldn’t want to. Most I wouldn’t call friends beyond the level of casual conversation. All have done little to be a friend to me in rough times, accept a few fleeting minutes of conversation here and there.
So my Short Term disability didn’t even start to get reviewed till the 16th. They say 30 to 40 days to review it, even though I submitted it November 14th or so. Working on getting long term disability but even that is not working out so well. My credit cards are maxed out, and though I’ve got plenty of food thanks to my parents…I don’t know how to pay rent in 5 days. I can’t stop thinking about it, praying about it. Wondering what I’m going to do if I get homeless. No where to go, family is in another state now, some in another country. Its cold here in Michigan. I keep the faith though. Hoping in God’s word that I will not need for a place to sleep, food to eat or cloths to wear. Its my strength and my receipt of God’s miracle to come.
Always remember, keep pushing on, don’t give up. To quote a song from Six feet Deep, “Life with God is worth twice the pain of life against the grain.”
Tim
How to Deal With A Down Turned Life
So I sit here once again, contemplating life and the ends it brings me too. I’ve been too sick to work, walking is difficult and painful. I’ve had a migraine for the past week that occasionally dies down enough to function. I lost my short term disability so I’ve been unpaid for 2 weeks and I don’t know if I will have anywhere to live in 2 more and I’m unsure where how I am going to eat.
As I await the next rounds of bills and waiting for all my services to shut off, I found I’ve been through every gambit of emotion. I’ve been through doubt, fear, terror, and questioning why. My wife and I only have each other to lean on, its been too difficult and painful for me to go to church, though I’ve wanted to a number of times. My friends haven’t been around much since I’ve been ill, though I know they wish me well. And at times it has seemed like I was all on my own in this.
What’s worse is the doctors still don’t have a great idea as to what is wrong with me and if I will ever get better. Even in all of this, God has brought me to the point of feeling blessed. This isn’t to say when the pain is overwhelming that I don’t regress into other feelings, but my anchor is Christ, it is His word. And it is being blessed with what I do have.
25 Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? 26 Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? 27 Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? 28 And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: 29 And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? 31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? 32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. 33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. 34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
Matthew 6: 25-34
This scripture has given me more hope then I could ever need to endure this. I come back to this often. I come back to the fact I’ve got a beautiful wife who is the picture of God’s unwavering love. She stands by me and helps me in anything I need. She is my support and strength and for her alone, I am blessed. I could not ask for a more beautiful reminder of the Love of God in my life then her.
I would encourage everyone that is going through a rough patch in life to remember what God has given you that is good. I know this is difficult. I have at times not been able to see it. When fear and depression abound, and there seems no hope in the world it can be hard to find something that is worth holding on to. And I’ve got to say sometimes it can take days. But when you find it, hold on to it.
Finally I leave you with another scripture. This is God’s instructions for going through rough circumstances. Remember we are running a race, and we need to keep our eyes on the prize of Eternity. When we focus on the Eternal, the struggles of today are put into proper perspective.
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Philippians 4: 8
