So I sit here once again, contemplating life and the ends it brings me too. I’ve been too sick to work, walking is difficult and painful. I’ve had a migraine for the past week that occasionally dies down enough to function. I lost my short term disability so I’ve been unpaid for 2 weeks and I don’t know if I will have anywhere to live in 2 more and I’m unsure where how I am going to eat.
As I await the next rounds of bills and waiting for all my services to shut off, I found I’ve been through every gambit of emotion. I’ve been through doubt, fear, terror, and questioning why. My wife and I only have each other to lean on, its been too difficult and painful for me to go to church, though I’ve wanted to a number of times. My friends haven’t been around much since I’ve been ill, though I know they wish me well. And at times it has seemed like I was all on my own in this.
What’s worse is the doctors still don’t have a great idea as to what is wrong with me and if I will ever get better. Even in all of this, God has brought me to the point of feeling blessed. This isn’t to say when the pain is overwhelming that I don’t regress into other feelings, but my anchor is Christ, it is His word. And it is being blessed with what I do have.
25 Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? 26 Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? 27 Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? 28 And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: 29 And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? 31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? 32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. 33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. 34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
Matthew 6: 25-34
This scripture has given me more hope then I could ever need to endure this. I come back to this often. I come back to the fact I’ve got a beautiful wife who is the picture of God’s unwavering love. She stands by me and helps me in anything I need. She is my support and strength and for her alone, I am blessed. I could not ask for a more beautiful reminder of the Love of God in my life then her.
I would encourage everyone that is going through a rough patch in life to remember what God has given you that is good. I know this is difficult. I have at times not been able to see it. When fear and depression abound, and there seems no hope in the world it can be hard to find something that is worth holding on to. And I’ve got to say sometimes it can take days. But when you find it, hold on to it.
Finally I leave you with another scripture. This is God’s instructions for going through rough circumstances. Remember we are running a race, and we need to keep our eyes on the prize of Eternity. When we focus on the Eternal, the struggles of today are put into proper perspective.
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Philippians 4: 8