I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately, and came accross this website. Sacred Ink. It is a site dedicated to people who have tattoo that have a God orientation. It got me thinking alot about why I got my tattoo and the conviction I’ve felt for it.
It represents a lot of things to me, some hidden some open. Some obivious, many that are not, some I’ll share openly and many that I won’t. It is a design I developed over years of prayer. The Main symbolism is to live the life of a bondservant. I remember spending hours in prayer over it and over the desire to live like a bondservant. The desire to live a live dedicated to God’s will, seeking first the kingdom of heaven and His righteousness. Casting down the high things and putting off the things that hinder me in it. Self evaluation is both good and bad. It shows us our failures and it shows us a path for redemption.
If we don’t know where we went wrong yesterday, we cannot know where we can go right tomorrow.
So I realize that in many ways I’ve given up a lot for having the tattoo. Doesn’t seem to bother me. But moreover the issues I’ve had with churches, both before and after getting the tattoo are still imense. I cannot find a church I’m happy with. It seems like everytime I go ot church I have to deal with and sift through judgemental attitdues that look down on me and even treat me as a different class of person.
I am very unabashed about what I beleive. I have no respect for someone’s beliefs if they were spoon fed them. If you never spent the time confirming your beliefs in scripture and in prayer, then they are not beliefs that belong to you. I don’t agree with many church traditions and they way many churches handle things. This in part is a large reason why I tend to have problems in a church.
I cannot count the number of pastors that have judged me based on the fact that my face or smile isn’t what they expect. I get up on Sunday mornings, and while I struggle with headaches and problems with them daily, I very often look like I have a headahce. people interpet this wrong. Instead of just getting to know me they make a judgement. I’ve had problems with headaches for years and its always been this way. how enjoyable would worship service be to you if you had a headache that was near migrane proportions? Not an excuse though I should have reached out better. I’ve just been called too many things too many times. For a long time I let that interfere with my relationship with God. At one point i realized that God cannot be held accountable to his people’s behavior. He is God even when his people are idiots. And it just doesn’t change his majesty or the love He has for any of us.
I’ve been looking for a good church to get involved with again for some time now, can’t seem to find one. But remembering the reasons and the convictions behind getting my tattoo. The urge and desire to look more and with increased diligence returnes. Good website, I like it.