Rant, life, downsizing, and options.

So I finally got done with my rewrite for my site. For ease of use I’ve put in wordpress, also kept my old site, with all its content linked off the right. Eventually I’ll get everything moved over. I had to manully move all my blog entries, not that they are that breath taking or indisposable but they are my site history.

Now to the rant. So I’ve had a lot time to think about life lately and how I’ve got to where I am from where I wanted to be. Getting told you’re loosing your job within the next 2 to 6 months to downsizing really can make you think. 10 years ago I was in school thinking “I’m gonna be a preacher”. Wide eyed dumb and with a bible underhand spitting out everything taught to me and stating it was my own beliefs. now I’ve found that its just religion. Lots of that going around.

So over all I’ve been through a hellish last few years. over and over I’ve been through things that have made me want to drop and quit out of life. If there was a reset button I would have hit it long ago. God brought me through so much stuff, it shook and tore down every religous conception I had, and then He rebuilt them. He taught me more about love and the lack of it in churches then I cared to know, and from an end I didn’t expect to see. I’m still going through a lot of stuff. And truthfully I’ve been timid to walk in the doors of a church now for some time because every time I do, I receive the right foot of fellowship. My family has all but said that I’ve screwed up my chances of being used by God, and constantly try and get me back into the one church that biblically speaking makes me frightened.

Some of the lessons i’ve learned.

  • God cares about people, not religous rights and rituals.
  • The modern church has become the same religous organization that the early “church” butted heads with, even that Jesus himself did.
  • Church is not about the people.
  • God cannot be judged by those who name themselves after Him, He is well beyond and above them.
  • Love is an action that requires stepping outside yourself, and what you or your church deams acceptable behavior, even the worst of sinners deserves and should be loved by those who name themselves God’s own.
  • God doesn’t care about politics, He cares about people. God’s kingdom isn’t in this world, if it was, Jesus would have fought for it rather then die on the cross for our sins.
  • “God came into this world to save sinners, of whom I am the worst.”
  • Love needs to be given without strings and with a full heart.
  • Churches concentrate too much on do not do this, you must do that.
  • Christians tend to become to involved in the politics of this world, it distracts from the true calling of God’s choosen which is to walk after God’s own heart, cast off the world, and embrace the message of love, seeking to love those who don’t know love at all. Seeking hyper political envolvement is using the weapons of this world, rather the weapons of prayer and of the Spirit.
  • I don’t see eye to eye with many “christians” and in fact I see many of them as having no faith at all.
  • Religious beleifs that you do not base off of personal study and prayer are beleifs that you do not own.
  • God, and God’s will are not trully important to many Christians, if they were then They would be more concerned about showing love then judgement on those around them.
  • Showing someone they are in sin can be just as easily done in a way that shows someone you love them, as it can be in a tone of judgement, and most often it is done in judgement not love.

There’s more to that and maybe i’ll update/continue that list down the road but for now I’m done.

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4 Responses to Rant, life, downsizing, and options.

  1. Dave says:

    Alot of what you say you’ve discovered is what I hope for.

  2. cayzar says:

    Wow, this was powerful and what’s more it was like reading my own story to a great extent. I have screwed up so much but each time I fully expected and sometimes wanted GOd to say to heck with you it’s not worth the hassle but he didn’t each time he picked me up and dusted me off and loved me back on my way.
    I have a mild Tourette’s, with that come ADHD, OCD. My parents were very strict and very embaressed by me. I grew up screwed up. picture Jack Nicholson in the movie with Helen Hunt, where he had OCD and was very angry and spiteful to people. (I forget the name of the movie but it was very good.)
    A child with Tourette’s, especially umteen years ago when no one knew anything about it and habitually misdignosed it, was like paining a big flashing bullseye on the back of yur head. Children are merciless and cruel and adults a little better. Even your own parents and siblings.
    But then enter God. Byt then I was willing to take His gifts and promise’s but never trust him or anyone.
    I had a diamond hard heart and had learned the art of revenge well. It took Jesus years to chip away enough of that heart to start turning things around. I accepted Christ at a young age and was catholic in a catholic school at the time and never had anyone show what you did with it after that or how to walk or even that you were supposed to. Hence the ‘years’ part of it.
    I am very fortuenate that Jesus put so many people in my path that had the super human ability to see past me to see me, and then show me love, and gentleness. I count 4 men as the most influential in my life and praie Jesus for them.
    My life is no bed of roses, and before any says it (someone always does) there are people who have it worse. There always is unfortunalty, but my life is far from where it was. I have ACTUALLY expirienced this (what I used to think was mythical) ‘joy’ Chirstians always talk about. Adicting stuff this joy. I want more.
    In short for many years i loved the concept of Christianity but hated Christianity because they truely don’t care and were many time worse than the unsaved in thier behavior to me and many other I had seen. It was a select few that led me to realise that True Christianity does not work that way and no one follows a true Christians walk as we all have thorns and wounds in us (wow, so who am I to talk). Also that I would not be judged on thier walk but on my own. (again Wow!).
    talk about beam in your own eye. I began to see others hurt in silence isolated in the middle of a Christian community lie me. Whoa! That’s was a realization for me.
    We need to stop hurling a scripture at someone in need like it was an aspirin and instead start living that scripture, and comfort and love them, and sometimes when ou can’t ‘do’ anything, just simply ‘be there’ for them.
    I am the worst offender of that and with the grace of Jesus I am learing to do it differently. More differently than any chirch teaches, but rather like Christ teaches in the bible. Faith not religion.
    I am a bad example but thanks to Jesus I am getting better. Hope I didn’t offend anyone, believe me when I say that was not my intention. I pray God’s peace and joy for you and hope all come to know Jesus!!!!

  3. Bondservant says:

    Thanks for sharing all that. Very good insights and your background and what you’ve come through is amazing. I totally agree with your comments of stop hurling scripture and start living it. Its amazing every time I walk into a church I get someone who tries to tell me I’m not saved, based soley on my apperiance not fitting the acceptable norm. Durning my youth I tried to for many years, 10 to 15, tried to fit the normal apperence of a “christian”. Trimmed hair scriptures tucked away in my head ready to “use” and I was very critical of many things. I was hard nosed and didn’t like it. It wasn’t who I am. It took some very ruff expeiences to know what the right foot of fellowship feels like and how we got things all backward. Its commons sense that you live your life by love and grace that its going to affect more people then throwing written words.

    Its funny bible says that those who don’t believe in Christ have veiled hearts. IF there eyes and hearts are vieled then they really aren’t goning to see the truth of God’s word. Its through action that it isopened. And its not always a quick process.

    I’m deffinately far from perfect and I probably am more critical of the church as a whole then I should be. But I see some real issues with the structure of the american church. I’d rather fight something on my knees in prayer then in a picket line or throwing insults at people at an abortion clinic, in the end that serves only to push away.

    Thanks again for commenting, you really got me thinking about all you said.

  4. cayzar says:

    I thouht I might mention something else. I was catholic then went to a non denom born again church. Some members (not all most were good people) insisted I was honoring the devil and not GOd because I didn’t in a way they personally approved. I wore blue jeans, long hair and t-shirts. I just kept telling them God cared about how my heart was dressed not my body that bad people wore suits too. They could not seem to grasp that.
    Now I were short buzzed hair and tattoos as well. One is a big rusty nail cross that has particular meaning to me and what Christ did for me. These many years later I go to a very different evangelical church and am happy to see many good CHristians but there will always be the legalists and the lawful pharisees and sadusees (spelling?).
    But they main thing we must strive to remember is that like the scripture detailing the eating of meat… those whose faith is weak consider it a sin so we are not to offend them. This is showing love. Likewise othes in church are trapped in appearances and other such nonsense, we should not offend or be judgmental to them. But this does not mean we should conform to thier wishes either. They may consider dress to thier standards a virtue and everything contrary a sin, in thier weakness but love can be shown without living to thier personal standards.
    Christ is in my heart not the lable of my shirt.
    I do not agree with every statement that Christians should not be involved in this life politically, but I do think much the way they go about things is wrong.
    Christians should prost things like aboution but to chant and hurl insults and engage in battles in an inflaming way is wrong. They can protest but with incredible gentleness and love. We are comanded ot stand our ground wich sometimes means coming out of our comfuort zones (which can mean being safe somewhere only on our knees – which does not mean to stop praying about something), and stand united with the body.
    When things go wrong people tend to always throw the baby out wih the bath water. Protesting and engaging in politics and political battles is not wrong. What is wrong is how we engage in these things. How we ive and behave. Scripture says it is becasue of believers that his name is cursed by men. This was aimed at the hews of that day and age but it applies just as much to Christians today and I am very guilty of this too, but do not give up on me I am very much a work in progress. Hence we can all change HOW we do things.

    Jesus did not come throwing rocks he came embracing, healing, loving, teaching. WOW!
    We can do all things following those examples don’t you think?

    God Bless you all and embarce Jesus!

    Don (Cayzar)

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