So here I am, it’s 5am and I cannot sleep. I am just recovering from an extremely bad day pain wise. It is always strange once all the pain lets up. I’m always very happy to be alive. I am always very grateful to God for getting me through. I’m always filled with Joy and happiness too. In many ways it is similar to the way we come out of painful trials. They hurt, they sting, and they make us wish we weren’t going through them. But if we learned the lessons God teaches us well through them, in the end we have the same opportunity to be grateful. We get the same opportunity to be hopeful.
I always think to the future. To what may come, to my hopes and dreams. I don’t have much in the ways of dreams now days. I just want simple things. I want to get debt free, something that won’t come easy given the medical bills and debt we’ve incurred through my sickness; and my lack of real income now aside from my disability. I want to own a small chunk of land that my wife and can try to be more self sufficient with. It would have a large garden, solar power, and would want to make it a refuge for friends and family that may need it. I would even take a trailer on a small chunk of land at this point. It would be a nice way for us to try and cut the cost of living so we could live cheaper and more within our limited budget. Most of all I just want to help people any way I can. These are things that I in all logic should have no hope for at this point. Things that I should not think I will achieve even so basic of dreams. But after today, in the calm and peace of the moment, I believe I will. I believe that reason for hope has not left me.
I endure the pain for the promise of peace at it’s in. I run the race of life, for the same reason, the prize of the upward call of Christ Jesus my Lord. Endure all things, for the peace and calm that will be in the end. Keep hope alive, there is never a reason to give up.